The victim's name for this blog will be Danelly; I don’t want to use real names. However, everything I am going to write about is the truth, and I have texts and recordings to prove it. I was in a relationship from October 2022 to September 2024. One thing I didn’t realize at the beginning of my relationship was that I’d have to deal with a woman who didn’t love herself. I call her the victim. She may not be a victim, but to me, you have to have some serious self-worth issues to do what I’m about to tell you. My now ex-boyfriend had serious issues when it came to being a man. When we met, I told him I wanted him to know he could tell me anything. Well, it turns out he is a compulsive liar and a big-time womanizer. Anyway, you will hear a ton about him later in his own story.
The first encounter I had with Danelly was her reaching out to me on Messenger, angry that he was with me and had “left” her. (He used to say she’s easy and that she’s just always there. Guys like easy sex, especially if it’s consistent.) He said after his first relationship, she still waited for him. After his second relationship, she still waited for him. Now, after the third relationship, she still waited for him. (He would tell her he loved her and really boosted her ego, which was so wrong.) Anyway, she wrote me, going off about him and how bad of a person he is, how I will see, how hurt she is, and how they dated. (He never claimed they dated; he said he wouldn’t ever even take her anywhere nice. It was strictly sex.) Listen, ladies, judge me hard as hell right now because holy red flag.
So, the reason she found out we were getting serious and actually together was, well, I’m a gift giver. For his birthday, I got him a basket of stuff he needed/wanted. He thought he was slick because one day he was wearing these bright purple underwear, and on the floor, there was a tag that said panties. She probably left it on purpose for me to see, just like she would randomly leave makeup. Anyway, I found it and told him, “End it now, or I’m gone.” He grabbed me to come back into his apartment and explained. (She saw the basket you got me, so she got me some stuff.) I told him, “Listen, mistakes happen with new women, but women from the past are a choice, and I will not tolerate any women from the past. That is my only rule.” (Listen, I am an easy-going woman. I love to cater to my man, and I understand needs. I’ve grown since this and now understand that a man with self-control is way more powerful than the man I had.)
Anyway, time goes by, it’s Christmas, the kids are here. He and I were having a disagreement, and I told him, “I’m not dumb. When was the last time you saw her?” He had the nerve to ask his son, thinking he was going to lie. His son says, “She watched us around Thanksgiving.” Ladies, why didn’t I leave? You will find out in his story. Something happened at his apartments, which I’ll mention in his story, but he moved into my home for a little bit. I applied for a house for him to rent, and we dated. Then we decided to move in together. Since we had never lived together, I moved over there.
Oh shoot, I have to go back. One night at his apartment, he was talking on the phone with her. He would go outside to talk to her, lying and saying it was someone else. Anyway, I gave him money because he said his account was garnished, and I wanted to help. Well, apparently, she did too. After I confronted him about it, he said, “I didn’t take any money from her. I told her that you gave it to me and didn’t expect anything in return.” (Which I didn’t, lol, which is why when I get to his story, you’re going to be like ‘the nerve.’)
Okay, back on track. We’re living together, doing our thing, having fun. (Since we are talking about her, I will skip past some time.) I left for Virginia for a military school. (I will talk about Virginia in his story.) When I got back, she wrote me on Facebook, apologizing that she should have never gone off about him and done all the nasty stuff she was doing (making fake accounts on TikTok and commenting below everything). I didn’t reply at first; I called him. I’m calm as hell (he answers all excited). I say, “Did you talk to Danelly?” He says no. I ask again, and he says yes. I say, “Okay, did you have sex with her?” He says no. So I ask again, and he says yes.
I texted her back and said, “I hope you get the healing you need, and I heard you guys slept together. I’m not mad at you.” She says, “Yeah, I guess old habits die hard.” I should have left, but I didn’t. I stayed. More time goes on, and some more incidents happen, but not with her, so I’m going to skip past it. (Like I said, he was a womanizer and just not able to keep his thing in his pants.) Men cheat, but he didn’t care if he did, and I would say, “Okay, as long as you tell me,” like a dummy. And the crazy thing is, he still would lie.
Anyway, I am pregnant, and I had a trip booked to go to Bali. While I’m away in Bali, you guessed it, she still came around. (Love, if you ever read this, please tell your story because being the other woman is not okay. I wanted to hate you so bad. You pushed me over the edge into depression.) Can I blame her though? No. She owes no loyalty to me, and I’m sure he didn’t tell her I was pregnant. So I come back, and I ask him about it. He denies, denies, denies. Until one day, the first time after a year, I decided to go through his stuff. Ladies, listen, pregnancy hormones are a bitch, and I couldn’t think about anything else but doing that. So he left, and I snooped. I didn’t get very far, but I found something. So when he came back, I told him I was done.
You know the worst part about this? (I’m going to give you a taste of him.) I slept in my son’s room for about five days, and this man would come in yelling at me, talking shit, saying it’s my fault that the relationship isn’t going to work because I went through his stuff and found things. If I didn’t look, I wouldn’t have found anything. He called me names, and I kept saying, “Okay, I don’t appreciate you doing this in front of my son.” He continued, day after day. (This is from the future, but I remember him always saying I ruined the relationship between him and my son. My son was five, hearing you talk to his mom crazy. Do you think he is going to be happy to be around you?)
Anyway, the day I was picking up the U-Haul (because baby, you know I came in and made that house a home—I got a new bed, bunk beds for his kids and mine, TVs in all the rooms, and a nice couch and kitchen table), he asks to speak to me. (I didn’t say no because this was the first time he was calm.) I went to the room with him, and he sits on the bed and says, “I love you and I’m sorry,” and then he starts naming all these things he did with three other women while I was pregnant and away in Bali. Do you know what I said? (I said it because I could see he was remorseful.) I said, “I’ll forgive you.” Girl, I know—a dummy. I hate that I see the good in people.
So one of those women was Danelly. This time she didn’t write. (The reason she didn’t was that towards the end of our relationship, he would tell her that he doesn’t like drama and he wants a woman that has his back. If a woman shows that, that’s where he will be, blah blah blah.) No shit, every person wants that. So in Danelly’s head, she felt, ‘Okay, if I do all of this right, he will finally want me in the end.’ So the lease is over in this house, and we move into my house that I own. (By the way, most women stay for the money. I made almost 70k a year from the military and another 40-50k in real estate that year.) I gave a lot to him, but we’ll discuss that later. So I didn’t stay for that. I just believed that he would one day be better.
As I got dragged through the mud day in and day out, I realized… (Let me stop; I want you guys to read the story of us.) So we are trying new things. When I wasn’t available or I made him mad, he would call her to help him with his videos and tell her he was done with me. He would ask her to apply for places for him. Instead of talking to me about it, he would revert to her like a used rag. (Poor girl, or is it poor girl if you put yourself in that situation?) So you know why I didn’t stay mad? Because I feel bad for her. She’ll never know her worth because she will always think this man is the man that’s worth it.
Men, please stop wasting good women’s time. Stop lying to them and telling them you love them when you don’t. Women, please stop giving men easy access when they treat you like this. Women, start loving yourself more. Get out of these toxic relationships, whether you’re the other woman or the main one. There is better out there, I promise you.
Anyway, they were doing that behind my back, but sometimes I would catch a glimpse of her in the mirror. He would say it was another realtor’s girlfriend who wanted to learn. Ugh, looking back, I think, wow, I was such a dummy. Anyway, how he treated me and how I treated him were not the same. I was disgusted by his very existence. I asked him many times to leave, and he would say, 'You're my woman until I decide to leave this house.' Then he would force himself on me, and I’d just roll over, get more depressed, shower, and cry. I wanted out so many times, but I tried my best to smile in front of others when he would lie. I did everything I could to be a good woman and hoped it would pass, that we would get better. He would say, 'With time, all the other women will fade, and it will just be us.' In my head, I thought, you're not strong enough to just tell them to go now.
Anyway, back to her. She stuck around, and for the last two years, I was basically in a relationship with both of them. One time, we did a staycation, and he was mad because he wanted a threesome. (It wasn’t our first time, but of course, we had big issues with that, and I’ll tell you more when I tell his story.) Anyway, he was mad that I couldn’t find anyone. So I said, 'Okay, then who?' He said, 'Her. She will do anything for me; she doesn’t care.' Of course, I went off, but then he threw a fit, as he always did when I didn’t want to do those things, so I felt like I had to. So I said, fine.
We went to the strip club, and I was being nice—it was hard, but I was. I even gave her money to throw at the girls. We left, got back to the room, I turned off the lights, and he was already grabbing her. I said, 'Don’t stop, go ahead,' and I sat there and watched them for about two minutes. Then I got dressed and left. They both got dressed, and he walked her out. As I passed them in the hall, we got into a huge fight that night and the next day. I had a showing, so I went to that and came back. He told me they had talked on the phone and that she said she was done with him (which, coming out of his mouth, I knew was bullshit). I’m crying as I write this part because I just feel so plotted against, when all I ever wanted to do was give him what he wanted. (Manipulative and narcissistic people are fucking evil.) This wasn’t the first time he plotted against me with another woman.
We actually enjoyed the rest of our stay, and then we went back home, arguing about everything. He would leave in the morning, sometimes at night. I probably just pushed him right into her hands, but now that I think about it, thank God. They are messed-up people, and I hope they get the help they need. I can’t wait to heal from all of this. Anyway, he and I had a huge fight about… (it gets wild). I made him leave. A family friend came and asked him to leave. He had her bring a gun to my house, and all of his family brought guns to my house while I wasn’t there, and my son was. All because I asked a family friend to help get him out since he wouldn’t leave. (This family friend is calm professional not violent at all but he takes care of the women in the household because my family is all women except my dad and my son. My dad has friends that are solid that look out for us out here in Vegas) Listen, I’m in the military, and one thing I dislike is a bunch of untrained civilians having weapons, especially with me not being there and my son in the home. I am still so disgusted with her him, and his family. (If you guys ever read this, you’re going to be shocked by how much he actually lied about. Remember, everything I’m saying is true, and I have proof. Your dead wrong to come to a women’s home with weapons.) Him playing the victim is wild.
Anyway, he grabbed his stuff, left, and moved in with her. Now, suddenly, I’m unblocked by her, and she’s popping up on my FYP. I could see that they had been recording houses together our entire relationship. I was hurt because I wanted to help him build his career and be everything he wanted. I created the logo, started the first website, gave him tips, created all the client gift baskets, showed homes when he couldn’t. I wanted him to be great, even though I was being torn down in the process (more on that later). So now we are done, and he’s living with her.
He wasn’t done. He wanted to talk, so we met up, even discussed getting back together. (Narcissistic abuse is horrible, and it’s hard to walk away—call me a dummy, I still feel like one.) He told me we could go sit my family down right now and tell them we’re back together, and that he could move back in. But he still talked so disrespectfully to me. I knew the only way he would leave me alone was if I told his current supply of blood. He needed her help, and I knew that. (He would say, 'I have to wait until these closings, then I’m good.' SMH. What you see on the outside isn’t who he is on the inside.) So, I screenshotted everything and sent it to her. He told me to never contact him again, and that’s when I knew he was finally gone. They were gone. (He wasn’t more on that in his story)
When you are in the type of relationship I was in, you get so weak that you forget who you are. I tried every day to be strong, to not see him or want him back because, even through all the bullshit, I kept thinking maybe he would get better. But he won’t. So telling her was the only way I could save myself.
Danelly, I truly do hope you heal. You have never had the opportunity to be in a real relationship with him where he took you seriously, and I’m sorry. He can make things seem great, like he wants you to take over the world with him, but you don’t have to tolerate the infidelity, the way he talks down to you, and all the lies and manipulation. We all deserve a love that wants us the first time. Like I told you from the start: heal. Ladies, we have to do better, and I know I have to do better. I just want to be loved the right way. I let go of great men because they were 'too nice,' and now I’m stuck having to heal. I learned my lesson, and I’m going to spend the rest of my 20s loving myself, healing, and killing it in my career.
PS: Things are about to get real personal. I've kept so much bottled up that I can’t keep this in. I have to let this out somehow.
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